Things tagged funny:
Christopher Ingraham in the WaPo:
What if someone had already figured out the answers to the world’s most pressing policy problems, but those solutions were buried deep in a PDF, somewhere nobody will ever read them?
According to a recent report by the World Bank, that scenario is not so far-fetched. The bank is one of those high-minded organizations – Washington is full of them – that release hundreds, maybe thousands, of reports a year on policy issues big and small. Many of these reports are long and highly technical, and just about all of them get released to the world as a PDF report posted to the organization’s Web site.
The World Bank recently decided to ask an important question: Is anyone actually reading these things? They dug into their Web site traffic data and came to the following conclusions: Nearly one-third of their PDF reports had never been downloaded, not even once.
I love @securityhulk. This ssl mess is making for some lols.
EASY TO RECOVER FROM SSL BUG. JUST REVOKE PRIVATE KEYS, AND ANY DATA SENT THAT EVER TRAVEL OVER SSL SINCE BUG INTRODUCED. EASY PEASY.
KUALA LUMPUR, MALAYSIA—Following a host of conflicting reports in the wake of the mysterious disappearance of Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 last Saturday, representatives from the Kuala Lumpur–based carrier acknowledged they had widened their investigation into the vanished Boeing 777 aircraft today to encompass not only the possibilities of mechanical failure, pilot error, terrorist activity, or a botched hijacking, but also the overarching scope of space, time, and humankind’s place in the universe.
Apology of the Year
The Sun (U.K.):
In an article on Saturday headlined ‘Flying saucers over British Scientology HQ’, we stated “two flat silver discs” were seen “above the Church of Scientology HQ”. Following a letter from lawyers for the Church, we apologise to any alien lifeforms for linking them to Scientologists.
47 U. MAJORIS STAR SYSTEM—Roughly 18 months after discovering the collection of common Earth sounds contained on the golden record placed aboard the Voyager probe NASA launched in 1977, extraterrestrial Richard Ellinger, 237, admitted Friday he still hasn’t gotten around to listening to the whole thing. ”The wind, rain, and surf sounds are pretty cool, but I usually sort of zone out when it gets to the crickets chirping, and then I just end up turning it off,“ said Ellinger, adding that he will sometimes put the record on as background noise when he’s cleaning his electro-biological habitat. ”And to be totally honest, I almost always skip that track with the mother kissing her baby. It’s like, ’Who cares?‘ you know?” Ellinger said he plans on taking a few things he likes off the record—such as the traditional Peruvian wedding song, the humpback whale calls, and the tractor noises—and throwing them on a mix with some Elvis Costello classics.
Each quote below is either from Al Gore’s Book Earth in the Balance or from the Unabomber’s Manifesto.
This is nearly imposable! I got a 50%, or equal to random.
Adam Mansbach in The New Yorker:
So you’d be honored if I blurbed your book? Me too! I can hardly wait to dive right in. However, due to the overwhelming number of requests I receive, I have instituted a new, comprehensive pricing system. Before proceeding, please consult this chart for reference.
These hidden camera shots from Nightmares Fear Factory in Niagara Falls, CA tell me three things. 1. Bros love going to haunted houses together. 2. Bros are easy to spook. 3. We should call them “scarebros.”
One of the strangest and funniest chain of PR I have seen:
Mr. Lynch then accused of Oracle of being ‘inaccurate’. Either Mr. Lynch has a very poor memory or he’s lying. ‘Some bank’ did not just happen to come to Oracle with Autonomy ‘on a list.’ The truth is that Mr. Lynch came to Oracle, along with his investment banker, Frank Quattrone, and met with Oracle’s head of M&A, Douglas Kehring and Oracle President Mark Hurd at 11 am on April 1, 2011.
Ball is in your court Oracle!